


Tell The Secret

by Anonymous



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Harry, Coming Out, First Time, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Top Zayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 21:11:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3303593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry pulled off Zayn’s shirt and leaned in to whisper, “You know there’s not much point in telling people we’re sleeping together if we’ve never, well…”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell The Secret

At first, Zayn and Harry had both been so exceptionally careful about the nature of their relationship. Contrary to all the gossip and openly flirty behavior between Harry and Louis all the way back to X-Factor, Harry really only ever had eyes for Zayn. Their personalities couldn’t be more dissimilar, but that didn’t seem to make a difference. There was this… _pull_ between them that couldn’t be explained, but neither of them needed or wanted an explanation for it. Too young to wonder about the whys and hows, they knew only that they needed one another in a way their neither of them had ever needed anyone else before. 

What they had wasn’t just exhilarating and hot and seemingly unstoppable, though.

It was terrifying.

Things were so new and seemed unreal, like one misstep would bring the whole thing crashing down; Zayn back in Bradford without having attended university and bringing back nothing to his family but the shame in their eyes for what he’d done, Harry scrambling to get back into school, pass his A levels and find something unassuming to do with his life. It’s not like Zayn couldn’t go on to university without much effort, but he wasn’t interested; he’d had enough time inside a classroom, thanks. Their music careers would be over, though, they’d been certain of that. Over for them and over for the other lads, too, before they’d even had a chance to really show the world who One Direction was and how much talent they had. Their friends would never forgive them. They’d just be those boys from X Factor who’d gotten caught up in that _gay scandal_ , and that would be it. Until the next scandal came along and they were forgotten completely.

When the feelings between the two of them had started getting more intense during the last leg of the Up All Night tour, it was much more difficult to keep it quiet. There were plenty of stolen kisses on the rare occasions when they weren’t being observed. A few rushed handjobs in secluded places. That time in a hotel room in the middle of the night when Harry had laid Zayn out on the bed and sucked Zayn off – so frightening because Harry’d never done it before and thought he might be rubbish at it, and because they were so afraid of getting caught that it was difficult for either of them to really enjoy it. 

So yeah, everything was still so new for them and the idea of losing it all by someone finding out was such a scary idea that neither minded being photographed out with pretty girls now and then, letting the rumor mills spin like crazy. Hell, for all either of them knew it was just some casual thing that would go away on its own. 

But it wasn’t, and it didn’t.

Not the physical part, anyway, and then when the emotions started, the attachment and the genuine romantic feelings, it got a bit more difficult to pretend there were nothing going on. 

Liam, not surprisingly, was the first one to notice. Well, at the very least he was the first one to say anything. The tour was winding up, they were in the Southern United States; dead middle of summer and more fatigued than usual from the humidity and the outright boldness of the American fans. Without any hinting around or preamble, Liam caught Harry alone on the bus and gave him a knowing smile, asking straight out what was going on with him and Zayn. Instead of bothering to deny it, Harry’s first instinct was to practically fall to his knees and beg Liam with tears in his eyes not to tell anyone, _please_ , didn’t he realize it would ruin everything for all of them? 

“Haz, come on, stop it. I’m not going to say anything. You’ve got to know that if the other lads aren’t already suspicious, it won’t be long until they are. I don’t think it’s going to hurt anything for you and Zayn to tell them what’s going on. The rest of us have got as much riding on this rock star thing as you two have, and we’ve got no reason to do anything to jeopardize that. Better to have us in on it so we can help since you want to keep it secret, yeah? I mean, making it public, I get it, a bad idea right now, very bad, I’ll give you that. But if you’re thinking anyone’s going to treat either of you differently, maybe you should give a bit more thought to how much we all care for each other.”

Harry didn’t really have much in the way of responding to what Liam had said, he was still so shell-shocked, but did think about it – he thought about it a lot, before he even said anything to Zayn. His mind wandered back to the X-Factor house, one late night with no cameras around when secrets were being whispered in the dark. Zed had admitted he was still a virgin but was pretty sure he fancied boys _and_ girls, which had brought on a little gentle and light-hearted teasing but no malice or judgment. Harry hadn’t thought he’d fancied boys at all, ever, until this thing started with Zayn. He was the youngest of all of them but he’d done quite well with girls even at fifteen and sixteen years old. _It’s those curls, Hazza, they make you look like a little angel_. He thought it was Louis who’d said that, ruffling his hair and giving him one of those sweet genuine smiles that always made the girls get all swoony. 

There was something about Zayn, though, that caught at Harry like nothing ever had before. Sure, he was from Bradford but he was no tough guy like his accent made him sound. Those dropped consonants and his dark skin were alluring; his eyelashes ought to be illegal and his hair was wild and Zayn was absolutely convinced that all of those things made him unattractive.

Harry had insecurities of his own, of course, but none of them had to do with his appearance. He knew he was fit and handsome and he didn’t care when he had spots on his forehead or his hair was messy. But even though he’d practiced his brave and carefree face for hours in the mirror, the crowds still made him nervous. Sometimes he heard Niall play his guitar and thought _well, there’s someone else who can do something I can’t_. He wouldn’t have taken the chance on X Factor if he didn’t know he could sing, but he knew he couldn’t hit those perfect high notes like Liam and Zayn could. He felt like he was walking a tightrope with no net underneath all the time; like this couldn’t possibly be happening to him.

After the US leg of the tour really got underway, things were intense, which was completely natural. The crowds and the paps and the screaming girls were overwhelming. They missed their families; none of them more than Zayn, who still called his mum every day instead of just texting the next couple of cities where they’d be. 

Thankfully, they had a much-needed break when it was done. Not that they didn’t still have to be at the studio or make appearances or do interviews, but it was different than touring. They got to spend time with their families, or spend time alone, and it was grounding; it was a feeling of normalcy that had been sorely missed no matter how much they loved performing. All five of the boys didn’t see each other constantly but did keep in touch. Zayn and Harry found ways to get together a little more often than they did with the rest of the lads. They made plans to meet at a little place Harry had rented in Manchester for just the month – not that he stayed there or anything, but when he asked someone if he could get a temporary flat, just a one-bedroom small place that was furnished, everything was arranged in a day. All he got was a lease to sign and a list of expenses which he was told would be taken care of by management. Harry didn’t know how much money he had now, he doubted any of them did, but it was _a lot_ , he figured, if the price of this furnished one bedroom flat didn’t cause anyone to bat an eyelash. It made him feel dizzy and a little nauseated so he didn’t really think about it. He’d have to eventually, but it was too much for him to handle just yet. Anyway, he didn’t want his mum to know about the apartment so letting the band’s people take care of it like they did everything else was fine by him. 

Zayn arrived just an hour or so after Harry did, so they checked the place out together.

“You’re sure no one’s going to kick up a fuss over this?” Zayn asked skeptically. He was still staying with his parents and sisters and had just told them he was going to stay with Harry a couple of days. He just hadn’t mentioned that he wasn’t going to Holmes Chapel.

“Honest Zayn, it was like _no big deal, we’ll get you a flat, you’ve got plenty of money_. Weird, but...easy, I guess.” He paused there before asking, “How much money d’you think we’ve got anyway? It freaks me out to think about it. I had a meeting with a lady who tried to explain it all to me and I should have asked questions, I guess. Wish I would have, ‘cause now I don’t know anything and I’m gonna end up having to go back and ask her to explain it to me again and she’ll think I’m dense.”

“Well, I can go with you because I don’t know shit either. My dad said it didn’t really matter, cos it was my money and not theirs, but come on…I mean, they’ve done everything for me my whole life, and if I can do things for them now I’m going to do it. I can’t wait to buy them a new house”, Zayn replied, a wistful look in his eyes. “Not that there’s anything wrong with our house, but, you know, I can get my mum something fancy, maybe she’ll stop working, and my sisters will have big proper bedrooms all to themselves to have their friends over and all that. Can you even imagine it? What it’s going to be like? I mean, seriously, we’re going to have everything we want. Anything we want.”

“I’ll think about it later. Right now the only thing I want is you, here, cos I’ve been thinking about something and I wanna know if you think it’s okay.”

“Why do you look nervous? What’s wrong?”

Harry reached for Zayn’s hand, pulling him closer and said, “Nothing, Zayn, honest. Just – well, before the tour was done, Liam said something to me. He knows about – about me and you, you know, not being like just friends or whatever. He just knew, and he said it’d be better if the other lads knew too. Easier to keep it quiet if we’ve got more people to cover for us.” Harry cringed and waited for Zayn’s response. He didn’t want Zayn to be cross because Harry’d kept it from him about Liam knowing.

Zayn looked completely gobsmacked. “Liam _knows_? Like, for sure?”

“I didn’t deny it or anything. Just wanted to think on it for a little bit, I wasn’t trying to keep it from you to be sneaky. But I think he’s right. I mean, I’m not saying we go and tell management or anything, but the guys-” Harry stopped himself there, just waiting. Zayn’s response could go in wildly different directions, and he didn’t want to be unprepared for whatever it happened to be. After all, this was a decision that had to be one hundred percent agreed on by both of them, and it wasn’t an easy choice to make. 

“Yeah…it seems strange to make it an announcement or something but if things keep going the way they are now, the five of us are going to be together _a lot_. There’s no way they won’t figure it out, the way we all practically live on top of each other. If we’re working together we can keep it from management for as long as…as long as we need to, anyway.”

Harry was relieved – Zayn seemed to understand and agree, and the tension bled out of him within moments. The talking was put on hold then, as they moved closer and started kissing, things turning frantic quickly. Harry pulled off Zayn’s shirt and leaned in to whisper, “You know there’s not much point in telling people we’re sleeping together if we’ve never, well…”

Zayn’s smile turned wicked and his eyes lit up. “You’re ready, then? Sure?”

“Fuck yes, I’m ready”, Harry responded, then dipped his head to hide his flushed cheeks as he continued, “Want you to fuck me.”

“It just so happens we’re alone in a flat with a bed in the next room. Sounds like a reasonable request”, Zayn whispered into the skin of Harry’s neck, still not believing how incredibly turned on he was by Harry’s scent, the sweat dripping from his temple and the choked-off moans Zayn could draw out of him. “Lead the way, then, Haz”, he finished, sounding much more confident than he felt. It would be their first time, and Zayn hoped he’d gained enough experience with girls by now that he could apply his knowledge here. 

Leading Zayn into the bedroom and pulling him down so they both sank into the soft bed, Harry was definitely thinking along the same lines. “We’ll go slow, yeah?” He turned to the side and opened the drawer on the nightstand. “I’ve got, uh…things…”, he said as he pulled out lube and a box of condoms. 

“Look at you, thinking ahead. Knew you wanted this before I got here.”

“Zed, I’ve wanted this since before I signed the papers for this place”, Harry admitted. “Just wasn’t sure if you wanted to yet.”

“I do want to. Want to touch all of you, have all of you, make you feel so good, fuck, I – I’ll do the best I can, all right, and if I’m rubbish at it then we can just practice, yeah?”

Harry laughed, the mood lightened a bit, and they both got to taking off the rest of their clothes. That was another first, not that they hadn’t seen each other without clothes on before, just not when they were _together_. There was always a rush, the specter of getting caught hanging over their heads, never time to do things properly. Not here, though. Here it was just the two of them, kissing heatedly, letting their hands roam freely over each other’s bodies. Harry never thought he’d be so enchanted with the feel of another bloke’s chest under his fingers, but he couldn’t get enough. They both felt electricity spark between them when their dicks rubbed together, the friction making Harry practically whine. 

Zayn pulled away and positioned himself between Harry’s legs, grabbing the bottle of lube from the nightstand. He had to check again, be absolutely positive, because this was _a big deal_ and if he was nervous he figured Harry probably was too. “You still sure, Haz? I think it might hurt some, at least at first.” 

Harry looked up at him, all flushed skin and kiss-swollen lips, so fucking beautiful, and said, “Yes, yes, I promise”, as his legs fell open and Zayn thought his heart might stop. But he needed to concentrate on what he was doing. Coating his fingers with lube, he started by just rubbing it around Harry’s hole before very slowly pushing his middle finger inside. 

With a shuddering breath, Harry hitched his hips like he was trying to get more. “S’okay, I’ve done it, like, by myself, some, sometimes, you know, when I…” Zayn stopped him there and said, “All right, then. But you _say_ if it hurts, or if I’m doing it wrong, swear you will?” Harry nodded his head and quickly agreed as Zayn continued the press of his finger into Harry’s entrance. As he started moving gently in and out, Zayn reveled in the soft moans he heard in response. Slowly, he added his index finger and started moving around inside of Harry. It was so different than with a girl, but the heat and the tight fit felt so damn good. Once Harry started moving back against his hand, he twisted his fingers around each other and went in again with three, feeling Harry relax around him and seeing his cock start to get hard again. 

“Come on, please, wanna feel you Zayn, fuck me, _please_. 

Well. Begging on his very first attempt, Zayn gave himself a high five in his head. Maybe he wouldn’t be terrible at this after all. He reached over and pulled on one of the condoms, then coated it with more lubricant. Too much, clearly, it was dripping all over the place but then, better too much than not enough, he figured. 

“Do you want to – ah – I heard it doesn’t hurt as much if you turn round-”

“No, no, want to see you, we can try it like that another time, yeah?” There was no way Harry wanted to have his face in a pillow when he could be taking in the sight of Zayn’s face for their very first time. 

Zayn just nodded and exhaled as he lined up his dick with Harry’s hole and so so slowly started to push inside. Harry sounded like he was choking on air and his eyes went wide. “Does it hurt, Haz? You want me to stop?”

“Yeah, yes, it hurts but it’s okay, it’ll be okay, please don’t stop”, Harry replied. And it did hurt, it wasn’t like fingers inside him, it was blunt pressure and a burning sensation but Harry, as usual, had done his homework and knew if he relaxed and calmed down it would get better. 

As Zayn pressed on, his head was spinning and he was starting to sweat. The sensation was incredible, it felt like there was a soft, hot vice grip on his cock, un-fucking-believable. Once he was fully seated, he looked for a sign for Harry that everything was all right. Harry squeezed his arms around Zayn tighter and smiled up at him. His erection had started to flag a bit, but they both figured that was to be expected. “Come on, move, Zayn, fuck, _move_ …”

By the time Zayn had eased out of Harry and back in a few times, Harry was fully hard again and they both were sweating, hair sticking to their temples and breathing heavily. Harry knew this wasn’t going to last long, but really, first times don’t usually last too long, right? He could hear all of Zayn’s usual sounds that indicated his orgasm was close, so he grabbed his own dick and started stroking in a counter-rhythm to how Zayn was fucking him. It had stopped hurting altogether now, and all of a sudden Zayn changed his angle the tiniest bit and Harry was seeing stars. 

“There?”, Zayn asked, the tiniest hint of a smile on his face. He tried his best to keep hitting that same spot that was making Harry curse and shake. Moving faster meant he was going to come, and he could feel it quickly approaching. “Haz, come on, come for me, let me see”, he said quietly. He didn’t want to come first, didn’t feel like that was the right etiquette or something. What the hell did he know? But it worked, and Harry sped up his hand and cried out as he came all over his fist and his belly. Zayn managed to hold off another ten seconds or so, thrusting in two more times before he moaned and his release filled the condom. 

“Christ, Zayn, if that was your first time, I’m looking forward to your future attempts”, Harry managed to get out in his slower-than-usual Cheshire drawl. They lie there quietly, catching their breath, until it started to feel kind of gross with cum drying on Harry and Zayn’s dick softening. After a few minutes, Zayn eased out of Harry gently and disposed of the condom. He went into the bathroom and returned with a warm, wet flannel to clean Harry up. Once the necessities were taken care of, they moved under the covers and fought for what the right words would be right now. They ended up just kissing some more, and then planning out how to talk to the lads about all this. Harry was a little more sure than Zayn that it would go just fine, so Zayn just had to trust him on that. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll do the talking, right?”

“Like you don’t always do all of the talking…”Zayn joked. Harry bit him on the shoulder and they both laughed, the tension and hesitation melting away. 

They could worry about what other people thought later. For now it was just them, wrapped up in each other where they belonged.


End file.
